When it comes to embracing change and improving ourselves and our lives, we often oversimplify the process. As humans, we tend to believe that whenever we come across something about ourselves or our lives that is considered negative or harmful, the immediate solution is to change it. However, life isn’t always that straightforward.
The truth is, striving for a perfect, flawless life devoid of contrasts is an unrealistic expectation. In every negative, there lies a kernel of positivity, and in every positive, there may be some negatives lurking. So, it becomes crucial for each of us to consciously navigate the choices that life presents, like a skilled traveler on a winding road.
When we come face to face with aspects of ourselves or our lives that may be deemed undesirable or detrimental, we find ourselves at a crossroads. We have two paths before us:
- The path of transformation, or
- The path of reinforcement.
Self-Improvement and Embracing Change: Life Transformation
Choosing to embark on the transformative path means accepting the current state of affairs and channeling conscious effort towards reshaping it according to our preferences. On the other hand, doubling down involves wholeheartedly embracing and owning that aspect, reinforcing our commitment to it. It’s like making accessory changes while staying true to the core. We adjust ourselves and our lives accordingly, aligning with our decision to persist in that direction.
Within the vast landscape of self-improvement and life transformation, there exists a plethora of things we can change about ourselves and our lives. However, there are also aspects that are inherently unchangeable due to our values, goals, priorities, desires, or the realities we must accept. Sometimes, what is truly right for us as individuals is to double down on certain aspects rather than striving to change them.
Let me illustrate this concept with a story. Meet Joseph, a person struggling with relationship dynamics. Joseph’s past girlfriends have consistently voiced their concerns about his dominating and controlling nature. They feel suffocated by his need to be in control and make all the decisions.
While for others in Joseph’s position, the transformative path might involve working on relinquishing control, fostering egalitarian partnerships, and personal growth, Joseph realizes that deep down, he prefers his dominant nature. Despite experiencing a sense of shame, he finds his happiness and fulfillment in relationships where he leads, directs, and guides.
After much soul-searching, Joseph decides to fully embrace his dominant nature. He consciously enters into a dom-sub relationship and adopts a corresponding lifestyle, both in and out of the bedroom. This decision brings about changes within himself and his life, such as integrating the parts of himself that carry guilt and seeking partners within the dom-sub community who genuinely desire and thrive in a submissive role.
Josep also invests time in learning about healthy dynamics, clearly distinguishing them from abusive ones. With well-defined safety measures and agreements, he ensures that his dom-sub relationship remains consensual and respectful.
Commitment Fears
Now, let’s turn our attention to Nancy, who struggles with committing to a specific career path. Nancy finds herself constantly pursuing certifications that she never puts to use and getting sidetracked by outdoor adventures instead of settling into a stable job.
Despite seeking counseling to address her adult responsibility issues, she finds no lasting solution. While it might be suitable for others in Nancy’s shoes to opt for change by utilizing their certifications, confronting their commitment fears, and deprioritizing outdoor pursuits, Nancy realizes that this path doesn’t align with her true self.
As Nancy delves deeper into understanding her values, she uncovers two core priorities: spontaneity and a profound connection with nature. Society often imposes rigid expectations and priorities on individuals, dictating what a successful life should look like. However, Nancy realizes that her authentic self doesn’t align with these societal norms. After careful contemplation, she embraces the decision to double down on her values.
For Nancy, doubling down means letting go of the pressure to conform to a conventional career path, especially one that confines her indoors. This decision brings about significant changes in both herself and her life. She courageously engages in heartfelt conversations with her parents and siblings, asserting that she won’t live a conventional life or conform to their preconceived notions of success.
Through breathwork, she releases the painful emotions tied to feelings of letting others down and the fear of not being seen as successful by societal standards. Nancy acknowledges the sacrifices she’ll need to make and chooses to prioritize her outdoor adventures, accepting them as essential to her sense of fulfillment.
To solidify her commitment to her chosen path, Nancy takes concrete steps. She consciously decides to either work temporary jobs or seek employment that offers a high degree of variety and surprises, all while keeping her work outdoors.
Nancy actively seeks out a social circle that shares her values and priorities, surrounding herself with like-minded individuals who understand and support her choices. To facilitate her lifestyle, she sub-lets her apartment and embraces a nomadic existence, purchasing a camper van that grants her the freedom to go wherever her heart desires.
Understanding the limitations such a lifestyle brings, Nancy decides not to have children, as it would impede her ability to pursue adventurous endeavors, many of which entail risks to her own life. Furthermore, she chooses not to enter into romantic relationships with individuals seeking a settled and conventional lifestyle.
Introspective Questions
Each person is unique, with their own set of desires, goals, values, needs, and personal truths. It is impossible to prescribe definitive rules about what one should change or double down on.
The decision to change or persist often comes with its own complexities and potential challenges. To navigate this choice, consider introspective questions:
- What aspects of yourself do you dislike?
- What do others criticize about you?
- If societal judgments were irrelevant, what personal truth would you be comfortable embracing?
- What do you genuinely desire?
- What seems unalterable, despite your efforts to change it?
- Is there an aspect of yourself that brings you shame but remains untouched by your attempts at transformation?
- If you knew there were people who would appreciate exactly what you fear no one would, what would that be?
- What aspects do you believe you cannot change?
- What aspects would you be relieved not to have to change?
- What truly matters to you?
- Considering these aspects, what do you find impossible to change, despite external pressures?
Whenever something captures our attention regarding ourselves or our lives, it signifies an awareness. With awareness comes the power of free will—the power to choose our response.
We can choose to maintain the status quo, make deliberate changes, or double down on certain aspects, making accessory adjustments instead. In some instances, even when faced with something that may be labeled as “negative,” doubling down might prove to be the right path. By embracing this path, we open doors to self-improvement, growth in relationships, and an enhanced life experience.
Remember, life is a continuous journey of self-discovery and personal evolution. Embrace the crossroads, and trust yourself to make the choices that align with your authentic self.
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